So, I am in a major funk. I will share, Reader-land, so you get the real me. Even the bad stuff. Only read if you are strong, however.
I’m getting worse. Now at night, I wake up with crap in my lungs that I can’t cough up, or some kind of fluid in the back of my throat that I spend ten minutes trying to clear. I don’t sleep well, which isn’t new, but it’s partly because I have a stuffy nose and can’t breathe. And picking my nose is impossible by myself. You will not appreciate your ability to blow your nose until you can’t!
It’s the frustration of communication that is really getting me down, though, almost resignation to get it over with. My brother was in town, we barely talked. When I am the center of attention, I am too slow with the Tobii and the conversations move too fast. Without Tobii though, I may as well not talk, because I run out of breath, pause, and either have to repeat myself or the conversation moves on. Bluntly, human conversation is lonely. I know God has this in mind for me because I think highly of my own deep thoughts on everything. It doesn’t make it any easier to take, frankly. So, I will keep on.
Lively is in the shop, and without rapid fabrication, I am not sure I will be able to use her again. There’s a major design flaw with the donor chair which makes it extremely difficult to drive in my state. It’s a trifling thing with far-reaching consequences. You see, I have two gadgets that prevent my head from falling forward and they only work on Lively. And the seat back is correct, so I have no neck strain. In Rocinante, the blue chair, everything is so messed up that I get neck strain leaning back, and a small bump will send my head crashing forward on my chest, and most definitely not in the Pilates way! If I try to lift my head, I push or pull on the joystick, and I may have damaged the drywall in the elevator. Ever since they ” fixed” my chair at Hopkins, it’s hurt to sit in. And don’t get me started about riding in the car! Holy cow, it hurts!
There are other things but I don’t need to get into them. This is the bit that gets used against any sainthood cause, right? Well I will add more fuel. I’m no holy man. I just wrote a long post about angels, and I forget my angel all the time! Padre Pio used to talk with his angel, mine’s been screaming at me to please talk! And I keep complaining!
Ok, so I will stop complaining!