You are a looney.
I might be. I was talking to Mel this week and shared some things, and she said I should write about it. So welcome to my brain, we have cookies! The first thing you should know is that I have never been normal. That out of the way, my current situation is such that changes the normal way of thinking above and beyond the abnormal thinking I already have. What do I mean?
I’m dying. What do you think I mean?
When you have this view, the view from my house, not only can you see Russia but you can see all the time slipping away. Things that before I could have procrastinated on, or waited until it was a better time, or a more circumspect approach, all that is gone. If I don’t address it now or soon, things will be left unsaid, actions will not be done, etc. Basically, the time you think you have is now in fast forward.
Not the funny, chipmunk sounding fast forward, either.
So why bring this up? Well, I’m glad you asked! I have a unique perspective in that my condition is such that I can’t DO stuff, so I ingest stuff, then think about it.
You know, Sean Bean was right, and if you don’t know the movie Ronin, shame on you. (Around 30 second in, is this quote.)
Yes, I think too hard. I get to ruminate on topics that are considered super complex, and then I apply a “How should it be?” filter to it, then generally get depressed or angry.
The worst part is getting angry, because we all want to change the world for the better, but now I feel trapped, unable to speak in an understandable way, three or four sentences behind everyone else, and nothing to do but keep it to myself, get it out here, or get angry and lose hope, and humor. This is what I told Mel about, this and more. That might be for another post.
But I wanted to share with you how it looks from the wheelchair, one of the reasons I’m SURE that so many people give up, or go full withdrawal. They have the ability to understand much more because they can’t do anything else, but are unable to communicate it to anyone because whatever reason.
So, personal story. I thought that because I had a public blog, I was required in good conscience to stand up for the faith or the Truth. Well, that is the case, but, only if challenged. In fact, I talked to my friend Fr Tim, OP, who reminded me that while I can blog, I must never lose sight of my vocation, which is a husband and father first. He was able to take Mother Teresa’s words and mold them to my situation, which is helpful.
The truth is I am greatly conflicted about if I should write or not, and it is too apparent that this is a tiny blog in a huge loud world. I should probably let the Scott Hahns talk instead.
But, you, unfortunately get to experience the personal stories behind all of the feelings!
7 thoughts on “You want a license… For a fish…”
Dear Joe, I for one, am glad you are blogging! It’s a blessing to your family and friends to have insight into those thoughts you are thinking! Since, in a small way, your blog could be a part of your vocation, may our Lord inspire your thoughts, your words, and your readers! 🙂
Joe, Do the things that feed your soul and add to your overall wellness. If blogging serves you in that way do it, and don’t feel an ounce of regret.
Please keep writing. Grateful for you and Mel. Love mp
I agree that anger isn’t a helpful response – for yourself or for your family. Nonetheless, I think blogging can keep you from being self-absorbed, which can lead to depression. And it IS good to communicate one’s ideas, inspirations, and journey to those who love you and care about you. It’s a kind of release that can only benefit your relationship with your family. Regulate how much time you devote to it, and then the rest of the time give your full attention and love to those around you. Ask your guardian angel to help you. 1-800-LECTURE. (your mother:)
Keep blogging amigo! Love reading your insights, your posts, your stories, your humor and the hard times. Its inpring, its personal and its raw. If we were all so real this world would be a more genuine honest and better place! Keep blogging!
Joe, Uncle Harold would have understood perfectly how hard it is to not be able to communicate. He couldn’t even write. But I always thought of John Milton’s poem especially the last line, “When I consider how my light is spent,
Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my Soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide;
“Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”
I fondly ask. But patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, “God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts; who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is Kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed
And post o’er Land and Ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.”
this huge loud world needs THIS TINY blog more than ever!!! to quote…well YOU this loud world could do with some Silence every once in while. Blog on!!!