The payoff for this one is at the end.
Today I will talk about my personal battle with the forces of socialism. Buckle up!
Out there, in the world, the forces of evil are waging war against the forces of good. Fiendish plots are being hatched between devilish villains, conspiring to take down and keep down those heroes who wish to live life in harmony and peace. The tension is so thick you can cut it with a spoon, so poignant you can smell its natural musk. To quote “The Tick”, the warm hand of destiny is pushing the small of your back, pushing, pushing, into the inevitable battle that is to come.
What do I speak of? I’ll give you examples. The great utilitarian societies and the great beautiful societies, and the battle between them – Lothlorien and Mordor, Minas Tirith and Isengard, their contrasts starkly outlined against the rising sun.
Behold the difference!
Spires to heaven and… people trapped!
I speak, of course, of concrete.
Concrete, that mixture of cement, sand, gravel, and water, that is omnipresent in our cities and roads and houses. Concrete, that great structural building block that provides study foundations to our houses, walkways to our feet, and has been waging war on us and me in particular!
You see, older societies used flagstones or cobblestones to walk on, and marble, granite, stone and brick to build. They have stood the test of time and beauty as shown above. They remain as monuments for ages to come! But the socialists came, and the great invention known as concrete became used for sidewalks, countertops, and buildings, uglifying our streets and making huge monstrosities of buildings and monuments! This great material is not meant to be used a beautifying agent! It is supposed to be used to support and uphold! We are fighting a war that we won’t win until we remaster the use of concrete that isn’t used to make ugly buildings!
My own war I inherited from my Grandma Corbin, who often lamented the unevenness and waged her own campaign against this socialist threat. She was also born around the time of the apparitions of Fatima, and may have seen the spread of communism in the grey menace. Be that as it may, she did not lose her war, though she may have lost some battles.
My suspicion is that in my quest for sidewalk domination, concrete is lashing out because it knows that its heinous acts and dire rule are at an end! It knows that the Superchair EV will conquer anything it can throw against us, like Kit from Knight Rider. But it knows that we aren’t ready yet, and the struggle continues, tête-à-tête, till there is an ultimate victor. Never trust the construction material, it’s fickle and treacherous and won’t hesitate to overthrow anyone who is unwary!!!!
The latest battle happened this weekend, where I was left defeated but for the strength of my friends and family to uphold me. A sneak attack, in a serene monastery where I least expected it, out of nowhere! The pain lasted but a moment but the comforting hands of those around me fought off the communist beast and pulled me up to safety! God bless those around me that think of more than their own safety and look out for others!
So resumed the battle begun in ages past, more sneakily than the last time, if you remember. Then the foul beast was lying in wait and gave evidence of his devilry. This time he waited patiently for balance to be lost, then offered a landing pad of epic hardness for unsuspecting passers-by.
I fell and hit my head. Actually, this time my head feels more woozy and fuzzy and throbby than the time I went to hospital. Apparently, it was loud.
YOU WILL NOT WIN, CONCRETE!
4 thoughts on ““Cut me, Mick.””
Joe, although the bump and possible concussion is no joke, this was hilarious satire. Grandma always landed nose first, though.
The quote from Rocky we have been saying all week because that’s what Mrs Miller looks like right now after her surgery.
no one can describe a fall better than you. I routing for you, of course, over concrete especially now that you’ve put a communist face to concrete.
You got me–Not what I was expecting in the post. Good one. Yes, Grandma always tripped. In her 3 inch heels. Falling is no joke and I hope you’re still taking it easy.
Hilarious Joe. Awesome.